His & Hers Cheat Sheet cont’d...

“The condition of one’s life is determined by the choices we make.” But it’s indisputable that ‘Learning takes living’. That’s why I’m trying to give you a ‘Cheat Sheet’, so that you don’t have to re-invent the wheel.

     Statistics show that 50% of all marriages fail. Yes, marriages fail like anything else. But that’s not okay if we can be better prepared in our decision-making skills. It seems that problems occur when we don’t know what answers to look for, when we don’t even know the questions to ask, at ate twenty-something. This is especially common when we’ve had no father-figure to gauge from. In an ill-matched union, forever can be a long, hard time; and that’s before the babies. That’s why it is imperative to step out of the ‘Love Zone’ from time to time to examine the realities as best you can. Things change, people change; that’s a given, there’s no way around it. Ask yourself honestly, ‘Will he still be my hero if his plans for our future go array? Will I still feel the same when her figure changes? Do we both share mutual respect for each other… our ambitions, our opinions, our dreams? Do we share similar basic values? Do we both look forward to growing old together, no matter what?”

     If there is any hesitation to any of these questions, it may be wise to consider postponing the nuptials until you can each come face to face with positive responses, even if, (correction), even though the invitations are in the mail. Making informed decisions at this time of our lives is paramount, since it can affect the direction of our lies interminably. It’s all about choices.

Food for Thought

We do teach people how they can treat us:

If we teach them that we are strong… they let us be.

If we teach them that we are weak… some will take advantage.

If we teach them that we are kind… some will mistake it for weakness.

If we teach them that we are smart… they expect us to be.

If we teach them that we are fair… they learn to trust us.

If we teach them that we have worth… they will learn that we are worthy.

If you find a friend who requires you to ‘dumb-down’ to accommodate their ego… your search is not over.

If we treat them with respect… we should expect it in return.

True love and friendships are based on mutual honest and respect. Anything less is merely a façade.

Life doesn’t always offer second chances. So try to realize the value of your first shot.

The condition of one’s life is determined by the choices we make.

Treat people as You wish to be treated. You don’t need a script for that… just look inside.

“We make a living by what we get… we make a life by what we give”  -Sir Winston Churchill.

His & Hers Cheat Sheet

Ladies: Never get involved with someone who has less to lose than you do. It could dismantle your life on many levels, in the long run.

Gentlemen:  It would be difficult for me to try to tell a man what he should look for in a wife, because I am not a man. The best that I can suggest is that you should determine the quality of your relationship with your own mother; then, look for someone who best fits that description, provided it was positive. Otherwise, look for someone who can hold your rope… without instructions from you.

     

 I must share with you some advice that I heard about from an old friend’s grandmother years ago: “If he ain’t worth watching… he ain’t worth waiting for’. Somehow, because it came from someone’s grandmother, at first, it sounded like ‘good-ole-words-of-wisdom’. But quite frankly, that never did set right for me personally. My honest position is: If I’ve got to watch him… I don’t want him! That’s too much work for me. What I truly believe in is this: ‘True love and friendships are based on mutual honest and respect. Anything less is merely a façade’.

     

 While it is important to look for fulfillment on a personal level, follow your instincts. Don’t rationalize nor compromise; despite the loud ticking of your body-clock. Pairing your life with someone who is on a different plane than you, could, indeed, dismantle your life, in the long run; and some things cannot be un-done. We each learn what we live; and we can’t teach vision.

     

 Try not to settle for less than you heart’s desire.  Smart women soar when they have no one else’s needs to consider but their own. They are able to focus on their own goals, at their own pace, without distractions from a mate’s agenda; which may be different than their own. You can and should arrange time for those passions when you do meet your soul-mate. He’ll understand… because a smart man has passions of his own. Having a passionate interest in something other than ‘Mr. or Mrs. Right’… such as a career, hobby or sport, (for instance), shows personal drive and independence. For strong people, that’s right up there near the top of their priority list. Strong men are attracted to strong women, and vice versa.

     

 I have found that the key to making smart choices is oftentimes a matter of following your instincts. There will be whistles and bells going off in your head; or maybe the hair on your arms bristle, but there is a sign, whether we choose to acknowledge it or not. Going through life in a zombie-like state, thoughtlessly performing everyday tasks; programmed to act or react according to yesterday’s results, set you up to be a ‘mark’ for anyone who is consciously on his or her game.

To be continued.....

Pay Yourself First

Make a conscious effort to save at least 10% of each paycheck in an interest-bearing account. To ensure this, include this amount into salary negotiations before accepting a position, whenever possible. Many people arrange to have a set dollar amount deducted from their paychecks through their company’s credit union each pay period. Most find it easy to adjust to living without money that they never see. With life’s uncertainties, it is comforting to know that you have a nest egg available, should you need it.

Graduates and newly-weds are often inundated with credit card offers early on. To the banks, you are the Future Shopper of America. With ‘need more’ tugging at your ear, this enticement can be overwhelming. Discipline is key here. A hasty decision could be potentially dangerous to your financial future. Granted, it is wise to own a credit card and establish credit-worthiness for future purposes and emergencies, but follow these guidelines:

                        1. Shop vigorously for the lowest interest rate you can find.

                        2. Compare the introductory interest rate to the annual percentage rate.

                        3. Read all of the fine print.

                        4. Limit your cards to one, at least for the first year.

                        5. Charge no more than you can pay off in any one given month. 

 Some credit card companies off travel points for free airline travel with your first purchase; some match the dollar amount that you charge on your card with the same number of air miles; another offers a point for every mile flown on any airline. The first two options could encourage frivolous spending, for which you could pay interest. A better choice would be to open a ‘vacation savings account’ on which you could earn interest. However, earning points for previously flown miles on a company business account is a smart way to vacation virtually free.

Power-Dressing for Pennies on the Dollar

Nearly every city or town has its elite society, the “well-to-do’s”, so to speak. Take time to scout out these areas to learn where these people take their discarded clothing. They, too, have a favorite consignment shop where their belongings can be resold. Begin your shopping sprees there, not at the malls. Something as simple as a handbag and belt handmade in some exotic place can really make an outfit; especially if you have the knack for dressing from the accessories outward. These stores offer furs, leather, jewelry and assorted designer clothing for all ages and gender in many price ranges. So, if you start there, you and your family can look like a million bucks, for pennies on the dollar.

Goodwill Industries and The Salvation Army Thrift Stores often have valuable finds at an absurd fraction of the original costs on clothing for the entire family, as well as a wide variety of household items. In some places, same-kind items all go for the same price. For instance: all ladies or men’s jean go on the same rack, to be sold for the same price. That’s usually somewhere around $7.00 each these days. It doesn’t matter whether they are designer labels or utility jeans. For many people, these donated items are simply an easier way to dispose of wardrobe changes without the bother to resell them themselves. The generous tax deduction is more expedient for them.

Selective Browing Tips:

Go to a reputable Spa or Salon for a professional Color Analysis. The Esthetician will drape you in a range of color swatches to determine which colors best compliment your complexion. She should be looking for colors that bright light and warmth to your skin tones. After the analysis, you will be given a small bundle of the selected swatches to refer to during your shopping sprees. This will be a worthwhile investment for looking your very best… for less.

While thumbing through a sales rack, pull out only items in the colors from your swatches for clothing or accessories that will frame your face. Remember, if an item leaves your complexion looking gray or sallow, it’s no bargain…at any price.

Develop your own style, so that you won’t be tempted or feel pressured to follow current fashion trends. You will get there someday… or maybe it won’t matter. You could be pleasantly surprised to find that others will admire your unique personal style, and try to emulate it. That’s how trendsetters are made. 

Power-Dressing Tips:

•          Too heavy? – Layer soft fabrics for an elongated appearance.
•          Too thin? – Not too tight. Go baggy instead.
•          Tall? – Wear wide brimmed hats and pleated slacks.
•          Short? – Wear narrow brimmed hats and straight-legged slacks.

 

Living Smart from the Start

In your early years, avoid shopping at elaborate malls. These merchants pay dearly for their space and exposure there. That cost is then passed on to the consumers. That’s business. However, malls do offer the following perks:

1. You can see what's current in merchandising and fashion trends.

2. You can learn current market values.

3. You can learn about competitive pricing.

Good bargains can be found in their post-season sales.

Experiment with store brand foods and unfamiliar generic brands to stretch your food dollars. Many major food store chains contract with food packaging and canning companies for use of their products for their own private labeling. (By the way, this is also true of some cosmetic companies.) In most cases, the product is the same quality as in name-brand labels, but the cost is considerably less due to bulk purchasing and private labeling. These savings are then passed on to the consumer at the retail level.

For the greatest bargains on meats, poultry and other food products, shop the first of the month, whenever possible. That's when many people receive their monthly checks or food allowances. Most supermarket chains stock heavily at this time, and reduce prices to encourage volume shopping. In fact, you will find that family-size packages of steaks, chops and poultry are generally priced at 20 to 40 cents less per pound than smaller packages of the same cuts. This is when I clean, season and freeze meal-sized packages for later use. Now you are saving money and time in your busy life.

We pay higher prices for the convenience of prepared or pre-cooked foods. Use your cookbook and plan meals in advance instead. My personal favorite cook book is 'Better Homes and Gardens'.

If you already own an automobile, you are in a better position to take advantage of more money-saving options. One of those options is 'Closeout Stores'. They are often located in suburban neighborhoods because they cater to homeowners and families. This is where I begin shopping for almost everything. These stores are stocked from discontinued merchandise from various manufacturers, as well as from other store-chains’ liquidations. Their inventory includes food products, cosmetics, clothing, tools, greeting cards, cleaning products, electronics and sometimes furniture. You will be amazed at the savings you will realize, without sacrificing quality.

Ladies, learn how to take care of your own hair and nails in your early years. It would be wise to consult your favorite hairdresser to learn how to use the proper products and tools for your hair type, but doing-it-yourself can save you hundreds of dollars over a year’s time. When you are ready for a new cut or color, then you should return to your favorite hairdresser. If you are not established with a particular hairdresser, try a beauty school for tremendous savings. The instructor will be on-hand to monitor the procedure of the student, so there is less gamble with mistakes by choosing this option.

Stretching the Everyday Dollar

Live like a Decorator Dress like a Model Drive a Luxury Car Enjoy great Vacations

Stretching the Everyday Dollar Practical Living Tips Dream Weddings on a Beer Budget Positive-Parenting Skills

... and more. My purpose for this Blog Spot is to share with you some of my 'learning experiences’; my successes as well as my failures, so that you don’t have to re-invent-the-wheel. I call it, 'The Cheat Sheet’. You will get there someday… on Your terms, by learning to live consciously, realistically, virtually debt-free, and, all in one piece. So, If you are right out of school facing life on your own, (plus a Student Loan), the last thing that you want to do is accumulate more debt. That could sabotage your peace of mind and financial future in a 'New York Second'. So, it is of ultimate importance that you prioritize your Needs. You must approach your personal lifestyle and financial growth on a conscious level. That means you must (a) Come out of the box (b) Resist the temptation to 'fit-in' or 'follow the crowd'. Everybody's reality is different, so you have to know who You are; i.e., your dreams and your aspirations, your likes and dislikes. Explore your hidden talents. A great deal of pride can come from accomplishing a goal for less than the rest. That's what makes you 'Uniquely You'. Let's explore a few scenarios: You just graduated from high school, tech school or college, and landed that 'starter position’. Now you want to cut-the-cord and explore life on your own. Your worldly possessions consist of just enough money for first, last and securities on a one-bedroom/one-bath apartment. Many young people find themselves settled into an undesirable location because of the lower monthly rental costs. If they don’t own a car, public transportation is also a consideration; at least until they can save enough money for a down payment on one. Then, there are furnishings to provide immediately, such as a bed, a dresser, a few kitchen items, as well as a professional wardrobe and transportation… all on your starter income. And that’s where the 'cycle of struggle’ begins. Using the same scenario, there is another way to avoid the 'cycle of struggle’, and 'start right to stay right'. Confine your apartment search to areas closest to your job. This will eliminate your immediate need for a car. Some of the benefits of that are: (a) The cost of an automobile can buy a lot of furniture, if you go about that right; (b) There are no additional expenses for auto insurance and maintenance; (c) The daily walk could substitute for an expensive 'fitness center’ for a while; and (d) You are already 'uptown’, livin large. If you are in a big hurry to 'live large’, and patience is not your strong point, consider finding a roommate to share expenses for the first couple of years. With the right chemistry, you could each save an average of 43% per month on rent and utilities by leasing (1) two bedroom apartment to share, as opposed to (2) one bedroom apartments each. But the right chemistry is important! Shop Thrift stores, Consignment stores, Yard sales and Estate sales for your starter furnishings, household items and entertainment equipment. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasures”. You can always upgrade as your income increases. Choose these same options for your professional wardrobe also. If you check the enclosed display counter at a Thrift or Consignment store at the register, you will often find heirloom costume jewelry and other specialty items at a good price. A great deal of personal pride and confidence can be gained from a quality find that makes you look like a million bucks, for little more than the cost of a six pack of beer. The money you save on your professional wardrobe can be used to buy the social wear that expresses your personal style. To be continued…